Nic Cage MonthFinale!

Movie Reviews

Sorry I was a Jackass last week and went on Hiatus on you guys, but it was Pride week and I was swamped with events! Half of which I missed due to illness anyway. I also have to apologise because I know I have the rule about my movie reviews having to be done from movies I’ve never seen before but this week I completely cheated and I’m sorry.
Movie: National Treasure
Director: Jon Turteltaub Turtletub
So I have seen this movie a few times before but to be honest everytime I sit down to watch it I end up distracted and I zone out for a good majority of the film. This was my fourth time trying to watch it and to be honest it was just okay. I have a very intense love for cheesy Disney action films, they just have this very specific form of aesthetics that I can’t help but adore. They have this almost Goonie like quality that brings me back to my childhood. National Treasure has that vibe about it and it makes me really want to love this movie, so it sucks that it just kind of fell flat for me in the end.
Just like my first few times watching it I ended up zoning out in the first ten minutes of the movie, it just couldn’t hold my attention in the least and that was kind of disappointing. I found that this movie also suffered from “Pirates of the Caribbean syndrome”, meaning the sidekick character is entirely more likeable than the main character. Glasses nerd boy was sarcastic and witty although I felt as though the writers couldn’t decide whether he was dumb as a rock or educated so he just ended up coming off as this guy who maybe read a few history books back in high school. I’m totally cool with a kids film(cause let’s face it, this movie was made for the 10-15 age bracket) having a dumb yet attractive sidekick, but the moment you have him spurting obscure historical facts that not even Nic Cage or Diane Kruger know then you have some issues with your character structuring and it becomes a bit annoying.
It’s at this point that I am realising perhaps I should have done my usual Toby style synopsis in the beginning but I think I can sum it up rather quickly, not like this movie is some sort of deep 12 angry men classic. Nic Cages is looking for a fancy Da Vinci Code style Treasure that has been protected throughout the years and is joined along the journey by hottie hot hot smart pants Diane Kruger. I might as well also give you the main reason for you all to watch this movie if you haven’t already; Sean Bean=Villain. Done! That’s all the reason you need, The Bean. Moving right along to our favourite man though.
Nic Cages character was actually kind of likeable in this movie, and I think if I didn’t have his sidekick to compare him to I would’ve liked him  more. Admittedly he did start the movie with a bit of Cage crazies by trying to romance Diane Kruger with sweet words of torture and death at this charity event. Yep, because the moment you confirm for her that you’re a death enthusiast is the moment you secure your place in her future, life tips I can really take to heart! Thanks Nic Cage I’ll make sure to try that move on my girlfriend sometime.
As I said before, I really wanted to like this movie in the same way that I wanted to like the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. Disney action movies are fun and silly and give you the chance to be a kid again and forget about what is and isn’t a good film and just enjoy the gift of immaturity that they guiltlessly provide you with. This movie felt at times as though they were trying to be a bit more on the serious side, it didn’t really know it was a kids film. Like when I was in high school and all the grade 12’s thought they were adults and didn’t quiet comprehend and appreciate they’re true age. I think if this movie maybe played up the adventure a bit it may have been more enjoyable for me and I really think it was this sense of trying to be one of the big kids that affected the slightly more silly sequel. That’s another movie for another time though, perhaps I’ll do a sequels month and cover my thoughts on it then.
I’m just so sad because this movie had everything I wanted and it just dropped the ball completely, in fact it just stared at the ball and merely acknowledged it’s existence then chose not to pick it up in the first place. For once though it wasn’t due to a misuse of the Cage. I really feel like Nic needs to stick to acting in movies meant for families/children seeing as the only people I know that genuinely like his acting are my parents, and as a kid I didn’t give two shits about who was acting in the movies I was watching unless they were Rodney Dangerfeild.

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Rest In Peace you beautiful bug eyed man.
There were a few action sequences where I perked up and actually gave the movie my full attention but it wasn’t all the way throughout. I try not to be too cynical when it comes to movies meant for younger age groups or families. These movies are not made to be classics or award winners. These movies are made solely to shut little Billy up so that Mommy and Daddy can have some god damn sleep….or sexy times. I don’t judge.
I really feel like being to cynical about these kinds of movies falls into the pointless department. Even if they do turn out bad it’s never usually enough to make me rage quit society for any extended period of time, unless that movie happens to The Last Airbender….then I just cry.
All in all this movie gets 2 national treasures out of a possible 5 for breaking my heart.
Regular updates resume tomorrow! Till then everyone, stay Tobly awesome.

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