Hello beautiful people of the world!
I have returned from my pilgrimage of self discovery and I have put on my big boy pants and I am ready to get back into blogging!
I have a bunch of new projects I am working on and I really feel as though writing here will give me a chance to breath and take down my thoughts in a controlled and organised manner.
First things first!
I am officially drawing dicks for a living! I am so happy about the absolute truth in that statement. I don’t know if any of you recall but I was hired a while back to possibly illustrate a comic that is due to be released next year. Well that comic is a fantasty Yaoi/Bara comic and I am so incredibly excited. This comic contains some of my favourite things in the universe. Mythology, racially and sexually diverse character casts and dicks….lot’s of dick. I am working with the gentlemen who are the brains behind Death Partners, an online Yaoi webcomic about awesomeness that you should all go read…now….I’ll wait.
Did you go read it?
I sincerely hope you did.
It is such an honour to be working with a creative team that I admire and it feels so great to have them appreciating the hard work I am putting into every page. I think that’s why I am back here now.
I have been avoiding writing an entry on here seeing as I have been really negative about things as of late. My testosterone date was pushed back, my mom recently said she would never accept me and I have been working so much lately that I have been unable to really take a step back and just give myself time to calm down and collect myself. I’ve never been the kind of person to bring up my personal issues and how much they truly affect me so I felt as though I needed to take a step back from blogging just because I knew that my Trans reports would just end up turning into anxiety driven rants about things that would bring joy to no one. That’s not what I am here for. I am not here to write about sadness and anxiety in a manner that can’t be seen as beneficial to myself or others. It’s not helpful and in a way it just draws more attention to issues that are out of my hands.
I was finally able to take a day and go see my therapist, one of the best ideas I have had in a while. We really worked through some shit and I really wanted to pass this all on to you guys.
He told me that there was no need to stress myself out over things I can’t control. I can’t make the testosterone date come faster by being angry or upset about it getting pushed back. I can’t will my mother into acceptance by getting depressed and troubled over it. All I can do is focus on myself and the things I can change. You know what guys? He was right.
I’m the kind of guy that needs control over every facet of my life, any loss of control drives me straight into sadness land. It took Michael telling me to chill to make me realise that worrying over things you can’t control is useless and it takes attention away from the things you can fix. I was spending so much time worrying about those fixed issues that I forgot to take care of myself. I stopped doing things for fun and just started trying to force puzzles pieces together without realising they were for the wrong puzzle. These aren’t my issues to solve and worry over.
My T date will come faster then I know. I just need to stay positive.
My mother acceptance on the other hand? That’s her issue. It’s up to her to work that out because I am happy with who I am and I know I am well adjusted with who I will become. When the time comes she needs to decide whether she’ll accept her son or lose him completely. I need to stop forgetting that and just move forward.
So here I am again. Writing and doing things for a sense of joy once more. I feel lighter and somewhat empowered thanks to this revelation.
So learn from my mini little dilemma and take from it what you will.
I hope that reading this contributed something to your day
You’ll all be hearing from me real soon now so sit tight! Another writing blog is coming your way
Till then, as always, stay Tobly Awesome.
I know I am!