First off; I am two injections into my HRT and I am feeling like a god damn badass. Actually I’m hungry, all the time, but as soon as I put food in my mouth my stomach tells me I’m full so it’s very frustrating.
I also find myself with a very difficult situation to face coming up this Friday. My Grandmother is coming to visit, and she wants to see me.
That sounds lovely, right?
My Grandmother is being sheltered from my transition by my mother, who says it’s for my grandmothers own good that she doesn’t understand exactly what “Transitioning” entails. So instead of being upfront and honest with her, the family has been tip-toeing around the topic of my transition as if it were made of pure hellfire since the day I came out officially.
Kinda like this.
I understand that what I am going through is past her comprehending, that much is painfully obvious, but protecting her from what I am going through won’t help.
Fact of the matter is she will have an even harder time with my transition if she isn’t eased into it as I am going through the changes. We only really get to see each other once a year, otherwise she only see’s pictures of me through Facebook. What’s going to happen when suddenly BOOM Second wave puberty hits and I begin to look more masculine. What’ll happen at that point?
Really I think that protecting people from the truth in situations like this can only end horribly for the very person you’re trying to help.
My moms argument is that my Grandmother is old so we should be gentle with her while we can. That’s great, but changes are going to start happening before Christmas so what’ll happen then? Is she going to send her GrandSON a Christmas card that still calls him by his Birth name? A boy opening a card addressed to a girl who never was can be a very uncomfortable situation to handle.
I’m not sure if any other LGBTQA individuals have faced a similar situation when it comes to family, I know at least two other people who have this problem but I don’t know whether it’s wide-spread.
In the end though, my mom is essentially guaranteeing my grandmother from the details of my life and that’s going to suck balls in the coming months. I’ve decided to be busy this weekend and avoid being misgendered by a relative I love but know will never understand.
And that’s another thing; I know she will never understand. From the small amount my mother has explained to her she has only reacted with confusion, dismissal and rejection. From her point of view so far’ I will get over this and I’ll be normal if I just get some help.
I’m going to lose her as the year goes on, this I know and my parents are trying to prepare me for it. Thing is; they don’t have to.
I’ve made piece with that a long time ago. Not everyone will “get” you but sometimes you just have to keep moving on and that’s okay. You’ll lose people but you’ll aways have those that will stick by you. Just because someone leaves you, or doesn’t understand you, doesn’t mean they never loved you. That’s okay too.
I mean, it’s not cool to turn your back on family, but it’s okay to accept that some people are just like that and you don’t need to stress about it. It’s not your fault, it never is.
Soon the HRT will start making some serious changes and I am far too excited to let anything slow me down or rain on my parade. I don’t think anyone should ever be “protected” from something as freeing as an individual enjoying the liberty of being themselves. But I’m not going to dwell on it.
If there are people who don’t want to join me on my journey then that’s their loss. I will always love those people, no matter what. I just need to concentrate on being happy and stopping others from preventing that.
So no matter what all of you are going through my lovely readers just know that I am on your side. Wether its relatives, friends, teachers, or maybe your cats just been staring at you funny lately, I’m here and I got your back. We got this.
Till next time guys
Stay Tobly awesome
I know I will!