Been having a lot of really in-depth conversations about love with my friends lately. Everyone seems to be having major relationship things happening and I can’t help but feel as though I am being constantly brought back to the topic again and again. It’s not even that I have huge issues with love, I don’t, and I actually think I have a very healthy and balanced view of what a Romantic relationship should be. I’m not an overly romantic person and love tends to be the one thing that I don’t spend too much time thinking about. It’s an easy concept in my mind, either you know what love feels like or you don’t. I don’t see a point to over dramatizing it or losing too much sleep over it. It’ll happen one day and forcing it with someone may just end in you missing out on someone else.
I probably should have planned this whole entry a bit better seeing as this is an incredibly broad topic and this whole opinion piece may lean towards…incredibly long…but bare with me! I’ll pour my heart and soul into it!…heart….cause it’s a post about…love…I’ll see myself out.
I want to start with the beginnings of a relationship, it seems like a natural place. I find a lot of people don’t know this and it’s honestly why a lot of relationships crash and burn after a few months. Are you ready? Cause this little tid bit of info is gold; be friends. Wow. It’s so stupid and simple and almost seems to be common sense but you would be surprised how many couples I have met over the years that don’t function outside of being in a romantic relationship. You have to genuinely enjoy being around the person you are with, like you enjoy being around your friends. An important question to ask yourself would be “Would I want to be friends with so-and-so if they were to reject me?”, if the answer is yes than that person is worth your time. If no, then maybe you need to ask why you like them to begin with.
(Talk about hilarious, “You da one” By Rihanna just started playing. That song makes me smile)
So you actually genuinely like this person like they are a real human being with feelings, that’s great! Now keep in mind, from this point on I am going to be spouting dumb opinions and you are in no way obligated to agree with me.
Caring for someone=romantic love
No. Nope. Calm down there Princess Anna, slow down and give yourself time.
There is no need to force love into a new relationship, let it grow. The world isn’t going to end if you’re not instantly head over heels in love with the person. Do you care for them? Yes? Do you get all giddy at the idea of seeing them? Yes as well? Then that’s all you need for now. Not being ready to say “I love you” doesn’t mean you lack the ability to ever love the person. It just means you’re not to that point in the relationship. No biggie, don’t sweat it.
I’m going to take a break to tell a personal story.
When I was 15 I dated this guy who was very “intense”. We dated less than a year and he already had our future planned out for us….I repeat…I was 15.
The biggest problem with this whole situation was the feeling I had that if I didn’t go along with it all I was being a bad boyfriend(in my own mind, I wasn’t out at the time though). When he said “I love you” after a month I felt as though if I didn’t say it back I was the one who was in the wrong. It was my first relationship and I was scared of doing something wrong. Granted he made me feel guilty if I ever did disagree with him when it came to my feelings but even if he hadn’t I still would have felt that way anyway.
Point to this little story: never feel as though you have to feel the same way as your significant other. Just be honest with how you feel at all times. Nothing is worst than feeling like you need to lie. No relationship, romantic or otherwise, should ever make you feel like you need to lie about your feelings.
Also, if you’re an intense person who falls in love fast, don’t expect your partner to be the same way. Everyone has their own pace. If you want your partner to respect your pace, you have to respect theirs.
One last thing; Love doesn’t define you.
Who you are is not determined by who you are with. You are an individual and you aren’t incomplete just because you haven’t found the right person yet. There is so much more to life than love and relationships. I’ve had people scold me for this;
“Easy for you to say. You’ve never been single for as long as I have,”
You want to know why? It’s probably because I don’t obsess over it. It’s not due to any other factor.
I could spend all day wondering where my Romeo or Juliet may be. I could spend all my hours on dating apps, and granted I do have a dating profile.
I don’t though. Dating and romance are just things that come after I am done dealing with the other things that make me “me”. I have interests other than dating and every time I have found myself in a relationship it’s been when I wasn’t looking for one.
Relax. Work on just being comfortable with being you, love will come to you when you’re ready. If a relationship doesn’t work out it doesn’t make you any less awesome, it just means that they just weren’t for you.
That age old advice about loving yourself does have a bit of truth behind it. I’d say loving yourself can be a bit hard to achieve at times, so let’s start with just being cool with yourself.
I’m not some great love guru. I have a shit load of issues, but they are manageable.
My advice won’t work for everyone. If anything this is more an opinion and if you disagree with me that’s fine. Disagree away my friend!
Take my words with a grain of salt and remember I am just some dude at a computer in my boxers listening to metric and drinking cheap wine.
Till next time guys, keep your heads up and don’t let love get you down!
And remember to stay Tobly awesome
I know I will!