Manly versus Being a Man

Personal Posts

Oooooh, what’s this?

Another post?!

Shock! Awe! Rejoice!

Seriously though, I really wanted to tackle something important with this post. It’s something that has been on my mind since the day I came out and I really want to get a few things off my chest regarding it.

It’s this whole idea that a Transman needs to be manly to be considered “truly” Transgender.

This is dumb and whoever thought of it needs to be slapped with an iron gauntlet.


Leave it to a man in tights to understand my sentiment.

I’ve mentioned it before but due to its relevancy I’ll repeat myself. When I first came out my mom was confused because I had never shown an interest in stereotypically male things as a child. I preferred playing “Barbie murder court” or “my little pony jousting” more than soccer or football.

So I asked her;

“Well Alvaro(my roommate) likes mermaids and Disney princess films, and he has loved them since he was a child. Does that make him less of a man?”

Her response was along the lines of “Well, that’s different. Alvaro isn’t straight,”.

Keep in mind, she has since completely come to understand where I am coming from with this but at the time it just didn’t make sense to her. The way she saw it was “If you like effeminate things and date boys then you can’t identify as male if you weren’t born that way”. However, if I was born male with the same set of interests that was completely different.

I find people get a bit antsy and weird when they have to see a more effeminate transman as a man. Like, being transgender was hard enough for them to accept but being “gay” on top of that completely destroys their world. I don’t understand this. It’s not because I think everyone should immediately understand me and my views on gender even if they have never been introduced to the concept before, not at all. I don’t get it because I don’t think it should matter to them. I don’t understand how my identity as an individual needs to be focused on to a point where it becomes an issue. I mostly notice that I get this from people I only know casually, infrequent acquaintances.

“I am a man, now can we get back to our previous conversation? No?  You’re going to stand to here for thirty minutes trying to convince a virtual stranger that you know him better than he knows himself? Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll play fruit ninja on my phone till you’re finished…”

I don’t know these people well enough for anything about me to be greatly affecting them. My gender identity affects their life on the same level as my favourite colour, a passing element of my being as person and nothing more. Rather than focusing on me, maybe they need to find a hobby…I’ve heard knitting can be relaxing.

Regardless of what others say, there shouldn’t be this great divide between masculine and feminine when it comes to being transgender. A Transman should be allowed to date men and wear pink and a Transwoman should be allowed to date women and watch Nascar without either of them being questioned. Your interests and sexual preferences shouldn’t dictate your gender identity.

Of course I have always felt that these standards should also be applied to cisgendered individuals. Just because a Cis man likes watching RomComs and waxing his eyebrows doesn’t mean he’s gay. People should be able to be themselves and express their interests regardless of gender. If you’re a girl who loves pink princess dresses or a guy who loves his beard and plaid, that’s totally cool and you rock that as well.

Point being; don’t let anyone tell you jack about your gender, but also don’t give anyone a hard time about theirs. Whether what you like is “gender normative” or not, that’s up to you. Your gender identity is your own and if anyone ever insists they know better than you do about yourself…


Well….you know what to do.

Keep doing you everyone and stay Tobly awesome.

I know I will.


One thought on “Manly versus Being a Man

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