I’m sure every single person on Earth has dealt with breakups before in some shape or form. Either you’ve ended a relationship, been dumped or simply dealt with a friend in the middle of one. Everytime it happens there is this sense that it never should have happened to begin with, you roll yourself into a dark place and let the media tell you that ice cream will mend your broken heart.
I’ve had people swat aside my advice on breakups because I’m not single but I’ve had my share of rough breakups in the past. Sometimes a breakup can feel like an empty punch to the gut, other times it feels like hot fire on your face and in your chest. No matter how it may make you feel there is something I think we should all remind ourselves when anything ends.
No matter what, you’ve learned something.
Whether you’ve learned something about yourself, your partner or just relationships in general it still counts towards a learning experience. Maybe you learned that you need to be more patient, or perhaps now you know that you don’t mix well with impatient people. Now you can take that knowledge and apply it to your next relationship.
It’s hard while in the moment to try and pick yourself up from where your last relationship left you but you have to keep in mind that this isn’t the end. You should never define yourself entirely by a romantic relationship, if you do then you’ll be left with nothing if it doesn’t work out. You’re an individual and as an individual you need to handle your own shit and walk away from a heartbreak with something gained.
Dwelling on a past relationship can leave you clouded and oblivious to the romantic posibilites that may turn out to be better for you. I’m not saying that you need to be a stone-cold robot person programmed to power through relationships, fueled by personal growth and the hearts of past loves. Although that would be awesome. I’m saying that making your whole life revolve around a breakup and learning nothing from it in the end can be unhealthy.
I think of it like ripping your favourite shirt.
You loved that black t-shirt with the velociraptor print all over it, it was awesome and it looked great on you. One day you notice there is a rip in the side, it can’t be repaired and you need to throw it out. You’re crushed and you’re going to miss that t-shirt. Before buying a replacement shirt you need to figure out why it ripped.
Did you outgrow it?
Did you damage it without realizing?
Or maybe the Shirt wasn’t made out of the strongest material to begin with (….boyfriend material, HA! I went there. You all can hate me for it)
Once you identify what was wrong with it you can properly move on and buy a new shirt. From what you learned of the last shirt, you can take better care of this one.
Obviously we all need time to heal, unless you are the aformentioned robot person, and giving yourself time to heal is important. Rushing could affect your next relationship. Just don’t take too long dwelling on the past. The future is ahead of you and there are so many people in the world worth meeting and experiencing. Hanging on to something that didn’t work is just going to hurt you and no one wins in that scenario.
You live, you learn, you wear dinosaur shirts and you move on. That’s life.
As Captain Jack Sparrow once said “Take what you can, give nothing back”. Although I wouldn’t advise becoming a pirate nor do I think you should just take and never contribute anything I do believe that it’s okay to take what you can from things. Knowledge and experience wise anyway.
Well that’s all he wrote folks, the fat lady is singing, the cows have come home and I’m begining to ramble which means it’s time to sign off.
Till next time my romance seeking friends, stay Tobly awesome
I know I will.