Is it just me or is the concept of forcing your friends to seek your approval of their significant others really conceded? Just the idea of your opinion meaning more than their feelings doesn’t seem like a very “friend” like thing to do.
I’m sure I have mentioned before about comic store workers being the “bartenders of the nerd world”. I have a lot of people coming in and talking about their problems and, more often than not, it usually concerns issues with their friends. One of the issues I have been consulted on relates to this ridiculous idea that your friend can only be happy if you like their significant other or that you need a friends approval to be happy. I want to start though by adding a bit of a disclaimer! This post does not include possibly abusive relationships or people who disrespect your friends, I am only talking about whether or not your friends like your partner on a personal level. That’s all.
It can be difficult playing the dating field in a desperate attempt to find someone to love, It’s not easy for anyone. So when you do find yourself lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who understands and cares about you, you can’t help but feel ecstatic.
Of course at some point there will be a time when your new boo will meet your friends. If your friends are the kind of people who feel as though they need to “approve” of this person in order for them to accept and respect your relationship then screw those friends. I’m not saying “Guys before home fries” or “Gals before Pals”. I’m saying that your friends should already respect YOU enough to accept a relationship that obviously makes you happy. Your happiness should be more important to them then their personal taste in someone.
“She’s too blunt”
“He’s too sensitive”
“She’s too nerdy”
Do you like that she tells it like it is? Or that he cries every time there is a puppy on the TV? Or maybe you like the way she rambles on about D&D? If so, then who cares if your friends don’t like them. Your friends aren’t the ones dating them, you are. As a side note: If you do break up with your partner for this reason then they are better off. If you’re too much of a jerk to stand up for yourself and for them then you don’t deserve them. Grow a pair of balls/mammories and be proud of your partner. If your friends really cared they wouldn’t put that kind of pressure on you anyway.
Let’s say you are the aforementioned “friend”. Who the fiddley-frick do you think you are exactly? Why do you feel the need to make things hard for someone you claim to care about? Let’s face it, if you are judging someone based on whether or not you like them then you’re not doing this for the benefit of your friend, you’re doing it for yourself and you need to grow up.
When I told my roommate/best friend about my current partner he just asked what he was like and then said he was happy for me. That’s it. You want to know why? My friend cares about my happiness and doesn’t want to mess with my life just so he can feel important for 0.5 seconds. I had the same reaction when he told me about his new partner, because I could see how happy she made him and I never want him to ever feel like he needs to sacrifice that to keep a friendship.
If you are one of those friends and you are still sitting there thinking “Yeah, but, if I don’t like their partner my friend should still respect my opinion,”. First off, you’re self-absorbed ball nugget. Respecting your opinion on someone is not the same as making your friend feel like they need to choose. Second off; let me pose a scenario for you Friendo.
Let’s put you in their shoes for a moment. Let’s say you met someone after a long time of bad dates and loneliness. You’re really happy! Go you! Now you introduce your new partner to your friends, but there is an issue. They’re not cool enough to ride with your friends, you two connect on a different level than you and your friends and they think your new love is lame. How’s that going to feel when parties are thrown, camping trips are planned, get togethers are held and you feel like you can’t bring this person along. Having to keep partner social time and friend social time apart at all times. Hows it going to feel when something big like New Years comes along and you have to choose the person you love or your friends. That’s gonna suck especially when none of your other friends have to make that adjustment in their love lives.
My friends are cool but maybe yours aren’t so supportive. If your friends are the kind of people I have described maybe it’s time to have a sit down and talk about mushy feelings. They may not know what they are doing is harmful. On the other hand if you are that friend, maybe chill. Ask yourself why you feel the need to control your friends love life, work that out and I am sure you will find it has more to do with you than it does with them. Either way taking a step back and re-evaluating your friendship would be the best step forward.
Take care of yourself, take care of your friends and take care of the people you love. Respect is the key to any functioning relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic. It’s really that simple.
I hope I’ve been relatively clear in the way I see things. As I said in the beginning, this does not include abusive relationships or scenarios where your significant other is purposely being a shit-head.
Till next time folks stay Tobly awesome
I know I will