To stress the hell out and eat more food in the span of a few days than you do in a full year.
Now that Christmas has come and passed I feel like I can relax a little bit and actually do that breathing thing I have been neglecting. I don’t know about the rest of you but I am the culmination of the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge duct taped together and forced to wear a Christmas wreath noose. I’ll eventually accept my fate and get into the shoehorned Christmas spirit but I will moan and complain about it the entire time leading up to my surrender. It’s not even the fault of Christmas itself, or anything it stands for.
Most people you talk to who claim to hate Christmas will you give the whole “It’s a materialistic holiday, tainted by the man!”, not me. I like the presents. Presents are frickin’ awesome and I will love and appreciate anything and everything given to me. I’m not a religious man either so having the holiday taken over by non-religious forces such as present-giving doesn’t really effect me. It sucks for you religious folks though.
Sorry about that.
My entire issue with Christmas is the way it’s crammed into ever orifice of my life for 2 entire months. I don’t want to hear Bing Crosby singing about Christmas on November 1st, and the fact that people need to be reminded to chill with the Christmas cheer till after Remembrance day is ridiculous. Your childlike glee can wait till after the 11th I am sure, it won’t kill you. Or maybe it will, in which case that sucks.
I am a huge fan of Halloween and to see Christmas decorations starting to fill up store shelves before my favourite time of year is even over is a pretty sore spot for me. I’m a toxic mixture of bitter and petty, so sue me. I would like to enjoy Halloween to its fullest and going into a shop to pick up some decorations the week before Spook night and finding out that half the aisle is now ribbons, and tags, packages, boxes and bags. My heart grows three sizes due to the blood accumulation from all my pent-up rage.
I’m not even one of those crazed, foaming at the mouth, Halloween fans. Then again I am not sure we exist to the same extent as Christmas fans do. It’s not cool in a spooky way to be too excited, kills the mood ya know?
Look, I get it. Christmas is cute for those of us non-religious people and very significant to those of you who believe in the big dude in the sky. But when you have people getting angry at you over the whole “Happy Holidays” versus “Merry Christmas” debate it’s enough to make you want to shank an elf-on-the-shelf in the face.
Side Note: If I say “Happy Holidays” on social media it does include Christmas, get off my candy cane.
Another side note: Love how some people will flip when given a “Happy Holidays” as if it implies that Christmas is excluded but are fine with excluding everyone else by being stubborn about wishing others a “Happy Holiday”. It’s almost like people are self-centered or something, which is totally what Christmas is all about.
That’s just it though, isn’t it? It’s the people. I don’t hate the idea of spending time with your loved ones, good food, awesome presents, copious amounts of alcohol and yule tide whatevers. I think that all sounds pretty cool, and I do love me some spiked eggnog even though it kills my stomach every single time.
I hate people around Christmas time. I hate the way they put one single day on a pedestal just because Christianity tells us to. Most of these people aren’t even Christian! Why? Sitting here now I am trying to find a reason why Christmas would have some importance to me now, as an adult. I can’t find one outside of “because it’s fun”. I feel the same way about Christmas as I do about any other Holiday. It’s fun, you do cool stuff and you might even get a day off work to relax.
Now obviously the over exposure to Christmas has some deep seeded roots with society and the fact that our work and school days are heavily based on Christian tradition and yadda, yadda, yadda, religious politics. I don’t really feel like now is the time to really go into that, it’s a tad long-winded and off topic so I’ll leave that for now. This post is just about me being a jerk at heart and trying to justify it for the sake of my own conscience.
Don’t even get me started on how self-righteous people become as soon as the snow starts falling. Suddenly they’re all “family first, love and peace fam,” when last week they were telling some kid on the internet to set themselves on fire.
You shouldn’t need a Holiday to tell you to appreciate your loved ones and not be a jerk to strangers. If you do, you’re on my naughty list.
(admittedly “naughty list” sounds a lot less PG coming from me)
At least, for me anyway, it’s all over and done with. Soon the Christmas decorations in my mall will be taken down, Christmas carols have already stopped playing on the radio and everyone seems to be back to their hate-filled selves.
As for me?
307 days till Halloween 2017.